In an effort to journal and deal with this experience, I've decided to create a special place to come and vent, share, and sort through the emotions and lessons mortality is giving me personally, my family, and especially my little Maddox, who is not yet born.
Last week- sheesh, can it really only be a week ago that we found out- we learned that Maddox has a heart defect. The severity and actual prognosis we are not 100% sure of, but the perinatologist said it was a valve issue...which valve...not clear. We do know that there will be surgery involved once he is born, that we are going to be seeing lots of doctors, that we are going to be delivering at a hospital a little ways away, that each week we will be watching Maddox's heart to check for heart failure, and that we love this little guy more each day.
I'll apologize now for those future moments when I'll be negative, and faithless. I hope you'll allow me to feel what I'm feeling without judging too harshly. This is new territory for us and I'm going to have to be honest with myself in order to get through it. However, I already know that there will be many special spiritual experiences and sweet moments filled with miracles. My appreciation for the Atonement of my Savior has grown as only it can through experiencing pain. I know that I have a loving Heavenly Father who is aware of me, my sweet husband, each of my children, and this little one growing inside me. Oh, how I love Maddox more with each little kick. He is, already, my sweet"heart".
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