Decisions

Well, our doctors' appointments today were not pleasant and we are faced with decisions that no parent should have to make. My head aches with all the tears that I've shed, and my heart hurts as I've watched my sweet husband do the same.

We have had to talk to the cardiologist, neonatologist, and perinatologist and all were giving us important yet crushing information about the almost certain failure of any attempts to save our baby's life. His heart is failing, and he is too small to do anything about it. All the things that they can attempt have complications, most of them ending in severe brain damage or death. There is so much fluid built up in his body that his lungs most likely won't be able to work even on a ventilator, and the fluid is only increasing. They have given us the option of just waiting until he is gone and then have a vaginal delivery. Jeff and I both don't feel like we can just sit and wait for him to die without making some attempt to save him. We also don't want to cause him unnecessary pain. The plan at this moment is to do a c-section on Wednesday. All the doctors and surgeons will be in place to work on him at that point. There is definitely a possibility that he won't even make it to Wednesday. I have an appointment with the perinatologist on Tuesday and then they will check on Wednesday before the c-section to make sure he is alive. At this point I am praying that if he isn't going to make it, that he returns peacefully home before we start the process of sticking him full of tubes, poking and cutting. We really don't want to have to make a choice, so we are praying that Heavenly Father does it for us. We have done all we can do at this point and our hearts, minds and bodies are just exhausted and raw. This next week will be more difficult than any time in our lives and Jeff and I are both hoping that we will make it through.

Please pray for us, and that the Lord's will will be done, but that if Maddox isn't going to make it that he is taken home quietly before Wednesday. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers in our behalf. We have felt your love and concern and know that we'll survive this experience because of our knowledge of the gospel and our trust in the Atonement of our Savior. We are so thankful for the sealing power which gives our little family the chance to be together forever no matter what may happen this next week.